I found a temporary solution.
I'm going to sell off my stocks and cash in my 401k and IRA... that'll give me enough cash to fend off the creditors and keep a roof over my head for a few months.
Then, I'll have to work two or three jobs to get it recharged back to where I was, but it sure as hell beats the street in the winter and giving up the dog to a certain death at the pound.
Ex will take most of it to fund her traveling and hobbies, but at least I'll have a little more time if some of these people will just listen to the desperate situation. Its amazing how many people really only care about money in the short term instead of working with someone for the long term.
At least I don't have to prostitute myself, which I almost ended up doing last week.
And I think its time Delores and I have a serious talk... I think that she left me some time ago, in her heart. It is kind of obvious. I've just recently been able to see it all in the big picture. Not that she doesn't care, but I think any future interest is gone... Its a natural reaction. I cant provide therefore I am not a suitable mate.
I just wish it could have lasted the entire year; 365 days, but she left a few months ago.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A Girlfriend For Daddy
I have been divorced for almost a year... Ex moved out a year ago somewhere around today.
I've been on my own for a year.
I had the kids this weekend and I asked my oldest (who is almost 5) if it was ok if I got a girlfriend.
Just wanted to see how she would handle the subject because I expected some resistance... she still asks for me and mommy to live together again sometimes. I keep explaining that mommy and daddy don't get along and cant speak nice to each other, that's why we can't live together.
I did not expect "you have a girlfriend"
"No B (this is what I will call her), I don't"
"Yes you do, Delores is your girlfriend"
Delores and I were very, VERY careful when we interacted with the kids, that they saw us as nothing more than just friends. No touching inappropriately, no kissing, nothing to let them believe that this was anything more than a playdate.... and most times, that's what it really was. And B has not seen Delores in months
"B, Delores is my friend and you know that, just like Unkie M and Unkie P and Aunt A and Aunt M"
"No, Delores is your girlfriend, I like her."
"Well if I got a girlfriend, would you like her?"
"no, I like delores. She's nice. I like playing with P too (her son)"
Seriously.... I wish I could make this up. I can convince this child what she likes to do for fun. She WOULD NOT BEND on this. Delores was my girlfriend. So I tried the ol' "yes she is a girl, and she is my friend"
Nope...." Ms. J is your friend and she's a girl. Delores is your girlfriend"
Delores is my girlfriend.... Delores even said so on many occasions
I like that thought, but where did a not quite 5 yr old get this from?
I think back to the first time they ever met. Last Dec. My girl grabbed her hand and dragged her in the door begging for a story (this is an entire story in itself)..
My shy little girl grabbed her and talked NONSTOP
The young and innocent know.. they just know somehow
B still will barely speak to her hero, a person that owns a restaurant down the street and she has known him her entire life...You'll be lucky to get three words from her.
Delores won her over with a simple smile and a "Hi"
just one of the umpteen bajillion signs that come at me.
"No, delores is your girlfriend"
I've been on my own for a year.
I had the kids this weekend and I asked my oldest (who is almost 5) if it was ok if I got a girlfriend.
Just wanted to see how she would handle the subject because I expected some resistance... she still asks for me and mommy to live together again sometimes. I keep explaining that mommy and daddy don't get along and cant speak nice to each other, that's why we can't live together.
I did not expect "you have a girlfriend"
"No B (this is what I will call her), I don't"
"Yes you do, Delores is your girlfriend"
Delores and I were very, VERY careful when we interacted with the kids, that they saw us as nothing more than just friends. No touching inappropriately, no kissing, nothing to let them believe that this was anything more than a playdate.... and most times, that's what it really was. And B has not seen Delores in months
"B, Delores is my friend and you know that, just like Unkie M and Unkie P and Aunt A and Aunt M"
"No, Delores is your girlfriend, I like her."
"Well if I got a girlfriend, would you like her?"
"no, I like delores. She's nice. I like playing with P too (her son)"
Seriously.... I wish I could make this up. I can convince this child what she likes to do for fun. She WOULD NOT BEND on this. Delores was my girlfriend. So I tried the ol' "yes she is a girl, and she is my friend"
Nope...." Ms. J is your friend and she's a girl. Delores is your girlfriend"
Delores is my girlfriend.... Delores even said so on many occasions
I like that thought, but where did a not quite 5 yr old get this from?
I think back to the first time they ever met. Last Dec. My girl grabbed her hand and dragged her in the door begging for a story (this is an entire story in itself)..
My shy little girl grabbed her and talked NONSTOP
The young and innocent know.. they just know somehow
B still will barely speak to her hero, a person that owns a restaurant down the street and she has known him her entire life...You'll be lucky to get three words from her.
Delores won her over with a simple smile and a "Hi"
just one of the umpteen bajillion signs that come at me.
"No, delores is your girlfriend"
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Full Moon
Its a full moon again... figures..
But she is going to be ok. Delores is going to be ok.... and that is what I cared about the most.
Funny how priorities change when the stakes are in front of you. You figure out what it is that is most important.
I know that feeling all to well.
It doesnt make me want her any less, but it was more important to me for her to be healthy and have the true, happy life that I want for her.
I'm a little curious how and where hers changed, but I have a feeling that I already know..
Lets get these guys ready for bed so I can have a few minutes to decompress, its been an extra long day
But she is going to be ok. Delores is going to be ok.... and that is what I cared about the most.
Funny how priorities change when the stakes are in front of you. You figure out what it is that is most important.
I know that feeling all to well.
It doesnt make me want her any less, but it was more important to me for her to be healthy and have the true, happy life that I want for her.
I'm a little curious how and where hers changed, but I have a feeling that I already know..
Lets get these guys ready for bed so I can have a few minutes to decompress, its been an extra long day
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