Need to start a clock

I need to start the clock somehow.

I need to pick a date that I will let go and move on. I have one in mind but not sure it's the one I want to use or not. Now I'm not saying that in a few months, if she is not sitting on my couch, I'm done and moving on. I'm saying I will need to make a decision about how things are moving. If they are moving towards me, I'll wait longer, if not....I don't know.

She has told me several times to just move on and I have said no; I'll stick it out. She said it again today. Just because it's getting to the hard part, I am DEFINITELY not letting go yet. We talked about this a few times; the wait, the trying to work it out. Giving him an honest chance. Her being unsure of what she wants. Giving a family a shot at being a family.

I can't argue with that, I don't even have an argument. If she can be happy where she is and her son grow up in a happy home, who am I to say anything..

I just want her to be happy, to live the life she deserves. To enjoy every day.

I also need to stop reading her blog. I'm pretty good about it, but they are making an honest attempt at seeing if there is a chance at reconciliation.
It'll kill me to see it.
I have become to attached.

It'll kill me to read about her having sex with him. Not if it was good, or great, or better, or worse; just that it had happened. But they are married. They are trying to work it out. It's going to happen. I just don't want to know about it. if she ends up with me, I wouldn't care that it happened, because I understand. I just can't take it now, it would be to much. So I need to stop reading it.

But I need to pick a date. I knew this was coming, I just didn't know when