My boy is a year old. i lost the fight to go to the party, and to be honest, I didn't fight that hard. I said my peace, I voiced my thoughts on it, but I knew I would lose. Ex's family has to much influence over her when it comes to what they want. I knew that to begin with.
So I drove 200 miles, round trip, to see my boy on his birthday. I sent Delores a couple of pics of him with the obligatory cake all over his face. I also sent her a quick video of him walking. He started today. Real walking I mean.
(Matt Nathanson...Come on get higher). It's on right now..I never knew this was the song that Delores was talking about...This is the shit that happens to me.........WHY????
Boy's birthday was good, ex made tacos for dinner (I didn't critique cause she had a basement flood yesterday and the power was off all day today)
And then the cake and toys came out.
The kids jumped all over me well past their bedtime. Birthday boy went to bed first, and I read my little girl a story in her bed before I left...I was a little uncomfortable being surrounded by what used to be my shit...but...it wouldn't fit in here anyway and it fits in her place. I also didn't say anything about the full set of All Clad pans that she has now..I might the next time comment on it and see if I can get some of my Caphalon stuff back (at least my stock pot, I miss having that). But it was a good birthday all in all. Apparently, one of my gifts for him is his favorite toy at day care; a xylophone.
I still wish I could go to the party. That's what is important to kids...the party. I have a feeling that if Delores was able to go to it that we would have been there. Because then Ex's boyfriend would be there and then her family would just have to deal with it. She isn't one to uninvite people she doesn't know and if those plans had been in place, that's what would have stuck.
I want Ex and Delores to meet. Not as a "See how much better I did" but just to have them meet. Ex is curious because my little girl talks about her all the time, so do I. Or I used to. I don't talk about her much anymore. I just keep it to myself. The "I don't know" answers I have to give all the time have worn me down, so I don't bring her up and when a question is asked, I deflect it. I miss her so much that I literally feel sick to my stomach.
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