Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Longing

I think about her constantly. I can still feel her

I keep getting these feelings in the pit of my stomach, like I just got punched. I probably did at that moment and don't know it.

Delores and I are still "talking", but it is very rare. Except the other night when we did have an exchange for about an hour and a half of constant replies (I really liked it)

I keep getting mixed signals from her, but I know it's the stress, the pressure from others. I try not to say anything as far as what I would like her to do for two reasons; 1) It's pretty clear what my position is, 2) I don't want to add to that stress.

While I am still unpacking and living out of boxes, I have had Sirius on The Blend trying to figure out what I like. I can say that it is worse than the crappy 80's music bar. EVERYTHING reminds me of her...example..Follow Me (Uncle Cracker) is on right now. I keep seeing people that look like her, I see her car everywhere.

I physically hurt. Not from moving, but from missing. She would have loved the trade show yesterday. I wish she could go to my son's 1st birthday in a few weeks, Ex invited her via me. I wish she could see the place come together as it happens. I wish she could be here to give me her opinion on where things should go.

I wish I could cook my first dinner here for her.

I'm going to go out and get something to eat

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry. I long for you, too. I miss you. I can still feel you. I feel your lips on mine. I feel your sweat dripping onto my skin.

    Thank the lucky stars that we were able to find each other again, but we shouldn't wish we were never in this place.

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