The thought that hurts the most

I have several ideas about what is going on. Several..

They all keep coming to me at different times and each is supported with plenty of evidence and quite a bit of intuition.

There is one that frightens me the most, and I have asked this directly before.

But I need to try and banish it now so here it is:

The thrill is over for her. We got busted back in March. Not long after, is when things started to change.
I did, I asked if that was the reason. That the thrill of running around was over because it was out in the open.
It was no longer exciting to be with me because there was not as much "Danger" in getting caught.

It scares the shit out of me because that would mean I was flat out lied to and have been lied to this entire time, and that all these feelings that I thought were there actually weren't.


that is the one that scares me.

There are several more ideas and theories about why she is treating me the way she is and I hope that it is one of these others. I really, really hope that is the case, and that I haven't been clinging to a lie for nearly a year.

A couple weeks ago, she asked me not to say goodbye, so I don't think that there is a complete loss of feelings and that there is still the same small hope that has been there.

If this one is the case, that there really are no feelings at all, that all I was was a thrill ride, she needs to tell me that it is over. That there is no hope whatsoever.

If she is testing her true feelings for me, needing space to still sort things out, getting adjusted to working again, and a few other thoughts.... that I can live with. That I can do

There is one thing that I am kind of sure of but not ready to know yet; she has another someone on the side