+5- 4 is still the right direction

Ever run uphill in sand? and I mean a good, long, steep hill.

I have. It's very akin to a treadmill or running up the down escalator. Its an enormous amount of effort just to get ahead.

The hill I used to run was about 1/4 of a mile.. about 400 yards and it took about 45 minutes. You couldn't ease up the pace at all. as soon as you did, you started sliding backwards. you had to keep the legs going at least 3/4 of a maximum sprint just to make progress... keep the legs moving... keep them going and you would make it to the top.... slow down even a little and you would never make it.

I've been on that hill for just about 2 years now... I've kept easing up to rest for some fucked up reason.

I know how to do this. I've done it before. I know damn well if I slow down, I'll never get there. I've picked up that pace this past week. I want the top of this hill. If anything, so that I can move on to tackle the next one.

I know that I've let myself go stagnant for to long...at least I'm not at the bottom, but I'm nowhere near the top yet. I started the legs cranking....

I talked to Ex about filing a creditor claim against my bankruptcy. I legitimately owe her some money and there is an inheritance coming that I can't touch.... so I convinced her to fill out the giant claim package and get as much as she legally can... Might as well, it's money that will never touch my hands.
While she is not exactly my favorite person, getting pissy with her has accomplished nothing other than get me aggravated. She is the way she is, and I know that. So I am just going to only look at the positive things I can do instead of dwelling on the negative shit that happens (I'll still bitch about it here.. but that's what this is for hehe)

That was step 1

I've accepted that life will do what it can to push me down; it always has. Life does not fight fair.. not at all. My only defense is to fight back, and fight back harder. I've done that before too, so I know I can do it. We had a saying in football; When two guys are heading towards each other for the collision, the one going hardest will win.

that was step 2

I got off my ass and did something about it. I have the legs going again and started up this fucking hill again.. I applied to the VA for job training assistance and I also applied for energy assistance with the local human services dept (welfare) just to get the boost up and over my massive electric bill (it's quite humbling, but I NEED the help or I'll never got over that hill)

And.....I have my first request for a quote for a renovation job... and I got that because of my efforts, not from sitting here waiting for it to drop in my lap. I am going to make this new fledgling business not only fly, but I am going to make it soar... I just need to kick it out of the nest because it is ready.

I have a good friend that has been kicking me in the ass for the past 6 months to do SOMETHING..... and I have. The way that I put it was that I let myself get pushed face down into the mud and just laid there and get used as a bridge for everyone else. I'm finally standing up. I'm still in the mud... and its a little tough to see very far because I'm still getting the mud out of my eyes.. but I'm up and moving.

There will be a lot of shit flying onto here. it does make me feel better and yes, there will be shit about the Delores saga and how I feel at that moment.... But I believe in Fate and Fate has her reasons for doing what she does in order to get me to the top of the hill... and the next one