Penance for the sins

I know Delores pretty well... I know she has written something about my confession to her. She has to have.. it's who she is

It took me about 5 hours to write down.. I had to do it. It wasn't really all that much other that I had started to see someone. I had already gotten the impression that it was all over; she was avoiding me and the few times I did get to converse with her it was mundane "weather" talk.. or about OOG... Yes, I did (and still do) talk to her about him

But it doesn't matter about that... I had lied to her...again. But this time, I wasn't going to wait a decade and a half to admit it.. I'm pretty sure she suspected anyway.. it's not like she doesn't know the signs from me or anything, but in all fairness who would blame me?.. I had permission.. I'm not attached.... she did ask that she not be the last to know if I started seeing someone. So what did I do? I didn't tell anyone.. seriously.. My neighbors knew... the girls mom knew. (i was told about that disappointment there.. she liked me) and who ever she told knew.... Oh.. "the girl" is the one I called Linda.
All that shit about Linda is true..... except one part... we were seeing each other when I helped her move.

It sucks to say all this, but I have to because Delores told me today that she is now in my shoes... that she knows what it was like to be me; holding on to someone that you know most likely won't come around to you.

What I didn't say, was that I know what it's like to be in her shoes... having feelings for two people at the same time and being torn between them..
Now, I wasn't in love with Linda.. but the potential was there. I saw it right away.. and I hesitated. I let her pass by me. Linda called it off quick..
Delores even suggested I try to get her back... and I did. Linda said I had more healing to do first; that my need for alone time was not conducive to her clinginess (Linda is a self admitted "have to be around all the time next to you" type of person... I couldn't deal with that right now.. It sucks because I genuinely liked her.. and I liked her being here...just not ALL the time. we had fun cooking and shoveling and chasing chickens (long story but my neighbors have chickens that run around) and couch lounging, etc.....

I lost her because I couldn't give her what she needed.. and I'm starting to think that I intentionally fucked it up holding out for Delores

Delores gave me up for something unseen

I lost Linda to the unseen....

Who is wearing who's shoes now?

Back to the point..... I asked Delores what, if anything, she said about my confession


FUCK!!!! its way to late to email Linda.. I need to be up in a couple hours... Shit!!!
It doesn't matter anyway..... she thinks I need more time regardless....
Life sucks... being a grown up sucks even more