To Feast or Fast

That is the question

I don't know what the fuck has happened this week, but women have come out of nowhere in hot pursuit. It kind of sucks. I know it sounds weird and I can't think of many guys in the world that wouldn't want this problem.. but it is a problem.

Shit, I'm a single, unattached, relatively young man. How the hell can this be a problem?? Delores told me to go ahead and see other people... she pretty much told me that her feelings for me were gone.. not completely, but it's kind of the impression that I have gotten.

Then today, I read this as a status from one of my friends

"Make no one a priority who only makes you an option."

Is that what I am??? an option?? Second or third.. or fourth best? I'm starting to feel that way... that I'm being strung along.. not being toyed with but kind of like I've been shelved as a "back-up".. I'm not so sure I believe that, but the thought is crossing my mind at times. It's a little demoralizing.

I do seriously and truly believe that we were meant for each other and that is the source for my strength at times. She once believed that too, but if she has decided that she wants to see how this "other" thing goes first.. its not really all that fair to me.. I like to think that it's really more of one of those things that she just needs to sort out

I need to fucking think this through.. this is a tough one.

Now most of you probably are saying "just go for it, she's fucked with your head long enough".. or "you have permission, so do it".. but it's not that simple. It really isn't. I said I would wait and I have... but I didn't think that A) a year and a half would go by and then B) sorry.. I really actually have feelings for someone else even though I told you I didn't.

This fucking sucks.. I know.. ABSOLUTELY KNOW for a fact... she couldn't handle it if I moved on, even temporarily. I know because she blew up on me. Just a scant few minutes after I posted ( this one last year), i got a text.. "you're right, if you move on, it's over". it was kind of ugly, but it made me know that she still had hurt feelings.

This absolutely fucking sucks... I'm not giving up yet; I will at some point because it just has to end some time. I mean seriously, I'm not even sure if I'm even an option in her mind, but I could be.. Or I could be THE choice.. I don't fucking know anymore.

Dammit.. I have had problems that would kill most men and now I have problems most men would kill for....

SHHIIIIIIT!!!!!!!! I need to think....

I'm going to go change my fucking oil......