Why I need to decide

Should I wait?

I need to decide this for several reasons;

I KNOW DH won't be able to get past it, not if he knew the whole story. She wont be able to get past it if she doesn't tell him.
I know this because I have been there, unfortunately. I have been the victim, and now I am the culprit....kinda sucks.

If I move on, I will be successful very quickly; I found out that I "still got it".

I went to happy hour at one of the other places in town last Friday with some folks from work. It was the first time since the divorce, shit since last year, that I had been out with a group to a bar. I had a "base of operations". Now, I didn't go out looking for anything. I was out just hanging with people I know. But you have to go out to smoke so I would go outside every so often. I ended up striking up a conversation with a young lady. Just chat that smokers do in the cold at a bar outside. And there was an outdoor bar and the management was firing up the heaters. My tab and friends were inside. So I go in to get another beer and talk with the people I was there with. The place was getting crowded and we had a prime spot at the bar and next thing I know, I'm talking to another young lady inside.

Again, just chatting and I assisted them in getting their drinks at the now full bar. And something struck me....one was looking at me in a way that was a little different than the other two....let's see if I can do this. I told the two friends "Ok, bring it on...the friend interview...lets just do this now" and they immediately bombarded me with questions.... "age?".. 35, "married?"...divorced, "how long?"...finalized Nov, see my finger, the ring scar is gone it's been so long since I took it off, "Kids?"...two, "Ages?"....10 months, 4 yrs. You should be getting the idea. But the "interested" one started talking a little and it came up that she hates smoking.

That was funny because, I was about to excuse myself and step out for a few minutes. So I told her, " that sucks cause I'm going out for a cigarette, I'll be back in a few minutes. I hope you're still here". So I go out and outside chick is still there, so I chat with her a few minutes...back in for a drink....inside chick is still there....chat a little...out for a smoke. I was juggling. Hadn't set out for this and to be honest, I didn't care because I knew nothing was going to come of it.
And just for statistical purposes. Outside chick was a 40yr old, divorced mother of two. Didn't look a day over 28. Inside chick, 31 yr old, never married, no kids. and didn't like smoking (she really had no chance)

I was so relaxed about the whole thing because right there, in the forefront of my mind was Delores, and the promise I made.

If I scored and she knew it, it would hurt her. I know that. Thats why I need to decide. Because I would tell her. If I don't wait, and she comes back, and she asks me if I have been with anyone else, I'd tell her. I know it would hurt. I've done that to her enough. Twice as a matter of fact. Three if you include the night of "the shit I didn't remember". I promised I would never hurt her again. I won't.

That's why I need to decide