My one and only constant

I think about her constantly. We had a long email exchange the other night. It was really in the early morning and she sent me a message when I needed to hear from her most. I had sat here for hours, just looking at the computer, waiting, hoping for a response. And I got one at 11:52 p.m. An enormous weight came off of me as soon as I saw that (1). I was scared that I wasn't going to hear from her again.

She kind of asked, in an indirect way, that I back off some. I didn't take it personal. She is going through hell right now with the job search, the headaches, the living situation, the economy, her own thoughts and confusion. So I will say this here instead.

I love you more than I can ever express, more than I can show, or demonstrate. My thoughts turn constantly your way. I can feel when you hurt..it hurts me. It hurts to be away.

Whenever you are are present, life is good; it's fantastic. Problems go away. Just being close to you, and feeling you, pushes everything bad away. Just holding you in the kitchen almost two weeks ago made over a month of bad just go away. I cannot imagine life without you again.

I often wonder what it would be like to have a life with you. I like to lay in bed and imagine being able to call and ask what you want for dinner on friday night. Or hey..lets take the kids to such and such park this weekend, or, pack for a weekend away, i have a surprise.

I wonder if you would like that. I'm sure you would, but I don't always know.

I get so excited at the thought of seeing you; looking in your eyes; smelling your hair; feeling your skin; feeling your soul touch mine. I know you share these feelings and that makes it all the harder. To feel like this and be apart. I hurt so bad at the mere thought of losing you again.
I wish it could be easy, I really wish it could be easy. But you have known me long enough, that the only things that come easy to me are trouble and problems.

I love you more than I think you know. I can only try to make you feel it when I see you. I wonder sometimes if you can feel me sending it to you.