Checkmate

Endgame
It's over

I waited until this time and this moment (even though it really is at around noon) to post this. I stayed up just for this.

She made her choice and it wasn't me. Nothing I can do about it.

Welcome to 1 year ago today that I was called by DH and told to be patient.... little did either of us know that her heart actually lay somewhere else and we were just pawns in a game. I got played.....very well to. I deserved it....reciprocity is a bitch sometimes, but she got me back... and got me back well. Plotted the stayover, and the clandestine meetings, winning my kids over with a simple smile and making them ask about her. It's not going to be pleasant delivering that news to my little girl...but at least I prepped her the past year with "we never know..." I'll make it an official " No, we won't" if I get to see them and it comes up

She fed me lines about dreaming, and fantasizing, and wanting and hoping.... and making me believe that all this time it was about me when it wasn't.
Over a year she strung me along in her game and dealt the final blow..." hahahaha FUCK YOU.... YOU HEAR ME?.?.?.? FUCK YOU, YOU PATSY!!!!!!! Now I can be with the one I want because all the paranoid attention is focused on you... how does it feel dumbass?? You REALLY believed I gave a shit about you?? How stupid are you? You fell for it and now I can pretty much do what I want as long as it doesnt have your name attached....stupid, jobless shithead that thought I cared about feelings....."

I wish I could believe all that... that would make it easier. But plain and simply, she doesnt want me because I am who I am, even though she lied to my face about loving me all this time.... now, now I'm just "confused"... her words....and I am confused.

I do know one thing...... I will start living now... and living the way a single and recently unattached man should

I have a year of living to make up for...... come on dude, where are you???? Not in this one... maybe the next one