Loser

25 yrs in athletics, I have never won a championship or recognition. Defensive statistics for football in my county that tracked the top 12, I was always 13. I was the nose tackle and our linebackers were no.1 and no.2. Didn't matter that the triple teams I took got them those slots. Seeded no. 1 for lacrosse, injuries killed us, namely my own broken ankle at the beginning of the season. I busted my ass and started varsity football in high school as a sophomore; inside linebacker and offensive guard. If you were to meet me, you'd laugh, but I was that good. I'm 5'9" and NOW 200 lbs. We lost every game that year. The JV, lost 1. The guys still say that if I was on that team, we would have gone perfect.
I threw lacrosse tryouts to stay on JV that year. We had a shot at a perfect season. I didn't stop the goal with 5 seconds left that cost us that season and the championship. All I had to do was hit the guy and even take the penalty. I failed. Same thing happened senior year.
In the Marine Corps, we were defending our title for the third year in a row and the season was interrupted by a combat deployment. I lost so much weight in that friggin outdoor sauna that I was "ineffective" at my position when the season resumed when we got back. We lost that title.

The only thing that I have ever won was my son. Against all odds. All the math, all the counting, everything. There was no way he was mine. I never gave up that hope. Never gave up. I did contemplate what I would do if he wasn't mine, but I still never gave up. I won. And there was nothing I could do from the time I was told "I don't know" to "He's yours". Nothing I could do but wait. No action I could have taken would have done anything to the outcome. My involvement was inconsequential.

I feel like I'm there again now, and in some ways, I am.