My Ex

My Ex and I never got a long. We were both bartenders at the same place and had gone to high school together. Obviously, in that kind of environment, a lot of drinking goes on and you tend to hang out together because when you get off work at 2:00-3:00 in the morning, your friends with day jobs tend to not be available.

One night, she bought an assload of Jagermeister shots and we somehow ended up waking up in the same bed. Normally, there is a level of discomfort between two co-workers after an incident like this, but we worked in an alcohol fueled, flirtatious environment and things carried on from there. In hindsight, it was "forced romance".

We didn't like the same things.. We didn't like the same activities or sports, or even the same kind of people as friends. She was a very demanding person. "My way or the highway". Very scheduled and things HAD to go according to plan or it was the end of the world.

I'm a little more laid back. Sure, things need to be organized, but when things didn't go as planned, you adapt. I didn't (and still don't) mind accommodating others, but every once in a while, lets do what I like. I have no recollection of that ever happening. Vacations were always where she wanted to go, movies that she wanted to see, the TV??? Holy crap, for 10 years I watched her shows and got to see what I liked a handful of times, and she would complain about it the entire time. So I started waiting for her to go to bed to catch a half hour of something I liked.

In 10 years, I can count on my hands the number of times she has prepared a meal. Now I do enjoy cooking and like to show off my culinary skills, but some nights your tired. That was UNACCEPTABLE, plus given the fact that she would complain about certain ingredients. I know for a fact that she does miss that aspect of our relationship (cause she told me the other night that she had never had a bad meal).

Paint colors, carpet colors, travel itinerary, restaurants, movies, THE KIDS NAMES, I really wasn't allowed any input.

Even my jobs were dictated. God forbid I work in a bar that she didn't like to hang out in, regardless of how much I made. There of course comes a time that we need to get "regular" jobs and start growing up. Now I had served 4 years of active duty in the Marine Corps and learned quite a few job skills. Her mother started working at a start up fiber optic company and knew that I had some physics background, but no degree. I was given a shot at an "internship". I took it because A) she talked me into and it was time to grow up, B) the income potential was enormous, and C) I thought that I might learn to like it.

A year of bartending from 4:00pm to 4:00 am and then getting to my internship at 7:00 am, studying and learning optical physics, an hour nap, then start process over again. And she complained I didn't spend enough time with her.....this was her idea.

But I did it. Age 27.....$125,000/yr. and it was AWESOME to make that much. I decided to buy a house for the tax benefits. She picked it. Not the kind I wanted either. A 3500 sq ft, new construction one in an exclusive neighborhood on a golf course. Don't get me wrong, it was a very nice house, but I wanted something a little smaller and affordable. And the mortgage was soley in my name. We weren't married......yet.

Then the "I don't like owning a house and not being married" started. I caved. Fine, whatever. She picked out her own ring....and mine. The proposal, in the kitchen, the day we bought it, because she bugged me the whole drive home about how excited she was to be engaged. Now I realize that I wasn't all that happy then because I had my doubts if I even wanted to stay with her. A year later, she didn't like the ring anymore. Shit, on our honeymoon, she tried to get me to buy a different one.

So now we are married and live in the big house in the exclusive neighborhood, and then the cars started. Every time I got one that I liked, that fit my needs, it instantaneously became hers.

Then the layoff. The tech bubble burst. I got laid off after 3 years of making loads of money. But because of the size of the mortgage, there were no savings. I had the experience in fiber optics, but no degree and no one would touch me, but I could fall back to the bartending and I did because we needed the income. She threw a fit about how I could loose a great job like that.....HER mother canned ME...on my birthday.

So the house needed to go. Luckily the housing market was skyrocketing at the time and we had two offers within 24 hours of listing it, with escalation clauses. We made a killing. I convinced her that we really needed something smaller, more affordable, and easier to maintain (she was a neat freak who cleaned CONSTANTLY, and complained how long it took). So I got my way...for once. SO the next house is something that we put a HUGE down payment on and the mortgage was such that I could pay it soley with my "meager" bartending income. I really made a lot more than my taxes say, but it was unpredictable.

Now, she did work and made a lot of money and had some cool fringe benefits (she sells wine) . She was really good at it and was one of the top sales people in the nation for the company. So she would win a lot of incentive trips. About 6-8 per year. And she got pregnant with our first. And she is leaving on these 4-10 day trips about every other month. Even after the baby comes. Mind you, these aren't business trips, they're vacations. I'm bartending, with an infant and she is gone half the time on vacation. 2-3 hours of sleep a night, even when she was home. I get in at 4:00am, feed the baby cause I know she's tired, then I'm up at 6:00 cause she needs to go to work. Baby all day. Hand off when she gets home and start again. and she complained about how difficult it was to handle a baby by herself. I forgot to mention that she had an acting hobby; theatre. And did 2-3 plays a year that required rehearsal and such. And complained that I didn't make enough money.

So I get another sales job, finally. In an industry that I love and know a lot about; Food sales. Restaurant supply distribution. But it requires time to build a territory, customer service, etc. Normal sales shit...no no no no no. I am tasked with drop of and pick up at day care, which HAD to be her aunt, who also made her own schedule. I would get a call that said come get your daughter, I need to do some stuff. In the middle of the day. I was WORKING, WTF?

And the house was no longer good enough, even though I had completely gutted and redid the kitchen. Finished the basement, built the fence and deck she wanted. Nope, to small now. It had 5 bedrooms and 3.5 baths.

So we sell right at the peak of the market. That poor bastard paid more for that thing than I ever would have. And we built another big house, in the exclusive neighborhood, further away from my friends and family. And it was the "last one I would ever buy". So we put everything into it that you could want. And it is nice. Very nice (and I am typing this on the counter in my custom kitchen).

And I now need to drive 1 hr to drop off at day care and an hour back to my territory. I live in the area I work. Then stop what I'm doing, at varying times during the day, and pick up....same drive. Regardless of the appointments I had. I only worked about four hours a day.....I ended up getting fired. And she was pregnant again. She never assisted with drop off or pick up, plus the travelling, plus the plays, plus the cooking, plus the cleaning.

So I start to work for one of my customers because she demanded a certain income level. I didn't like the job, but I needed it. A few months later, the bomb is dropped...."I don't know....."

And she told me to my face that it was all my fault.