The Baby

She has commented on it here, and mentioned it several times on her blog.
We had a baby.

End of Nov and beginning of Dec, Delores was having pains and some bleeding and finally went to the doctor after nearly a week. I, of course, was concerned and asked her to let me know what was going on.
Later that day, she texted "they say i'm miscarrying!"

"It's possible"

"I just can't believe it"

"I didn't want to worry u, but it crossed my mind"

"I can't believe this. How? U pulled"

"Yes, but it is possible, especially second time"

The second time we were together. I think that's when it happened. Delores decided to show off a new (to me) oral skill that she had learned and took it all the way. Then the sexual escapades continued. I think that's when it happened; a little residual was left and she got pregnant.

No baby is insignificant and no child is more important than another, but this one, for us, was a turning point.

I had thought that I was SOOO damaged by Ex that I would always assume that my name and baby mentioned in the same sentence would start some "are you sure its mine?" type of reaction.
It didn't. I got a little down. I had lost a child with the woman I love.

I will only speak for her because she has said it herself:

She realized that she DOES want another kid, just not with DH.

We both learned that we do want things from life and that we weren't as fucked up as we thought.

The incident is a distant memory now, and it was for the best at the time. It really was. Because as she has told me, if she was to have my baby, it should be something to be celebrated and not to be ashamed of.
I still think of what could have been sometimes; she was definitely a little girl, with her mothers mouth, and nose, and legs, and ears. She would have had my eyes and face. Delores says she would have red curly hair.
Maybe someday